Sunday 11 September 2011

overwhelmed?

A nice start to the day with a nice long bath, of course tucking the tubes up out of the way so they don't get wet, followed by only having to shout 4 times to get my 13 yr old out of the house so we could get to my mums for lunch, time being the essence today as they were off to Devon at about 4.
"you look pale and fraught" said my mum, more than once. I wasn't feeling fraught. But it got me thinking. And I think all the help is getting to me! How odd does that sound? And perhaps ungrateful?? But I am used to my space and independence. And I AM appreciating all the help. She is planning on redecorating the girls bedrooms. It is overdue! And the bathroom, ditto. But what is getting to me is how many times she phones, and how long she wants to talk for, often repeating herself. Now, I KNOW she is worried. I KNOW she wants to help. But talking in person knackers me out. Sometimes I do not want to talk, to anyone, or even HEAR other people talking! Does that sound odd? Anyway, I sent her an email, along the lines of what I said here....
""Thanks for lovely Sunday lunch, hope your visit goes well :) happy
I wasn't feeling fraught, but I did think about why you may have said that.
I think I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I am used to lots of space and independence.
I am enjoying and appreciating the help from you and other mums etc, but, sometimes my brain is tired
and I don't want to talk or to hear people talking, or find it hard to concentrate! Does that sound odd?? I-) sleepy
Others I have spoken to say they found it the same whilst having chemo - things need to be kept simple and
you know when you can talk and when you can't and it seems rude to say to people, do you know, I can't really chat at the moment, try me again later/tomorrow, but I suppose you have to do it otherwise you get more tired?
So. To compensate fro the days when I'm not chatty, I thought of a plan to help us all.
When we decide what is best thing for you two to do to help on Wed mornings, let's write it down, me in my diary, you in yours, then we don't need to talk about it a lot unless it needs dates changing or something adding.
 And, last but not least, THANK YOU
Lots of Love and cwtchs :-* kiss
Ems xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   ""
I hope that sounds okay to them!!?!
P worked too long today to appreciate his night off so he's asleep on his sofa and I wanted to go drink coffee down the Bear so I'm sulking a bit now but that's what happened when you date someone who runs a hotel and restaurant!! I did say to the Universe that my next fella needed to have a job and work hard. HAH be careful what you wish for lol! ;) A new chef and new menu has meant a manic weekend, but I think he has Mon eve off , so hopefully, tomorrow evening shall be all ours!!
I am stuffing red grapes down me. I guess it balances out the chocolate I stuffed earlier!
A friend tells me a woman we know from our kids' primary school is also thinner and sporting a head scarf in our village ... blimey. I like her too, although that sounds silly. Anyway, maybe we'll do coffee over bald heads?

3 comments:

  1. I am tired, feel lonely in an odd way, generally frustrated, I need more sleep...................... and when I sleep, my dreams are not always nice, hmmmm, time to discuss this with the team methinks..........

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  2. Sending you a big virtual cwtch, I think you sound like you're just catching up with yourself, you've been so strong, for yourself, for your girls, for your parents, for all of us really.

    I think your brain/body is just letting you know that the point you thought you might get to has come, that you need to focus your strength, when you have it, for you (and then your girls). Your email sounded more than fine and I hope it's taken in the right spirit.

    I know one of things Gemma used to get most angry/frustrated about was being helped and not being able to do everything herself. I know everyone's experience is different but what you're saying does have a familiar ring, congratulations 'cos your 100% normal! Well actually you're still a bit saintly 'cos you haven't erupted at everyone yet for helping ;)

    Am not in work this week (d'uh!) so call if you want to vent. xxx

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  3. I think you're right. Thank you! Love You lots and will call in the week. Fingers not functioning enough to type any more! (((((((cwtchs))))))) xxxxxxxxxxxx

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