So, I am going in on Sunday night. My bloods have made the doctor happy enough to take me back in at 21 days not 28 days, which was an option they mentioned when I went in the first time. As an extra bonus (ooh NHS you DO spoil us!!) I get an extra bag of different chemo (consultant will go over the whats and wherefores on Friday when I go in to be clerked) on Monday, and start IGEV Tuesday, so I get an extra night in and come out Saturday.
This does mean it rather handily fits in with my social calendar - ie: I do NOT miss Deri's play on the 15th, and I will be on form again for B's birthday on the 22nd and for xmas etc. Huzzah!
I called the counsellors re: Deri. They said so far I was doing all the right stuff, to keep talking, and that a suggestion I had about having a chat about ''how USEFUL these tubes are because mummy can have her medicine so quickly and without it hurting, unlike some other people who go in and have to have lots of injections all day'', etc, was a good plan. I mentioned an idea about disconnecting the tubes when D visits me this time, and she said it MAY confuse her as I'm in there to have lots of medicine, so maybe just get a nurse to pop in and say how wonderful the tubes are as well? So I feel a bit better and I hope Deri won't get too upset when I tell her I have to go in again. She's in a ballet show on Sat (must be the time of year for shows!!!!) so maybe tell her after that, or, tell her Friday after school so she can get used to it might be better. Anyhoo. We're getting there.
My eldest and her b/f are cooking dinner this evening. I think it involves oven chips and other stuff... and I'm loving it coz I am lying here (after not quite getting the duvet day I planned) being waited upon :)
Wednesday 30 November 2011
Tuesday 29 November 2011
Birthdays, again...and check ups
Yesterday the lovely Jo took me to the hospital for the bloods etc - all very good, the G jabs I did all week worked and all counts up enough not to be needed until next Monday - the histology dept still not sent back their assessment of the biopsy so still going with our lots assessment for now. So, a whole week off for good behaviour :)
Followed by bit of shopping for wrapping paper and obligatory stop at coffee shop ;)
Today - M's 17th birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoohoooo!!!!!!!!!! Lots of lovely pressies later, then off for proper driving lesson!! Her b/f has given her some mini-lessons so she had a bit of a clue, and the instructor was impressed and she said it was weird but brilliant :D
Auntie T is finally over her 2 month long chest infection so came to visit yay!! We are very close - she was married to my mothers second-youngest brother - he died 4 years ago at 52, from cancer of the oesophagus. Long story of docs telling him it was all in his head - anyway, diagnosed in the March, died in the July. Not many people could cope with his rapid descent, my mum and I spent a lot of time with him. He hated being ''a patient'', so I used to go and take the piss and have a laugh - we were both black sheep of the family so had always got on - I always felt as though he and T were brother and sis-in-law not uncle and aunt! :D
My mum came up trumps this evening - she cooked a birthday treat of a chinese meal - so delicious!! Thanks mum!
Noticed that I have much less hair on eyebrows and arms this week. What will I look like with no eyebrows?? ;)
Picked up my voicemails from this afternoon - Jodie from my ward - said can I call her by 4 or tomorrow morning, nowt to worry about but its about my next treatment - NEXT WEEK?
Oh. I thought it was the 12th?! I kinda want it next week coz then I'll be out for Deri's xmas play in which she has a big part haha! AND, they did say if my bloods were ok, it might be 3 weeks. OR - - - - - have they had biopsy results back again and are not wanting to wait?
Oh balls, it's all such a friggin guessing/waiting game!! Hurumph!
Ahem. Anyway, could be worse :)
Followed by bit of shopping for wrapping paper and obligatory stop at coffee shop ;)
Today - M's 17th birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoohoooo!!!!!!!!!! Lots of lovely pressies later, then off for proper driving lesson!! Her b/f has given her some mini-lessons so she had a bit of a clue, and the instructor was impressed and she said it was weird but brilliant :D
Auntie T is finally over her 2 month long chest infection so came to visit yay!! We are very close - she was married to my mothers second-youngest brother - he died 4 years ago at 52, from cancer of the oesophagus. Long story of docs telling him it was all in his head - anyway, diagnosed in the March, died in the July. Not many people could cope with his rapid descent, my mum and I spent a lot of time with him. He hated being ''a patient'', so I used to go and take the piss and have a laugh - we were both black sheep of the family so had always got on - I always felt as though he and T were brother and sis-in-law not uncle and aunt! :D
My mum came up trumps this evening - she cooked a birthday treat of a chinese meal - so delicious!! Thanks mum!
Noticed that I have much less hair on eyebrows and arms this week. What will I look like with no eyebrows?? ;)
Picked up my voicemails from this afternoon - Jodie from my ward - said can I call her by 4 or tomorrow morning, nowt to worry about but its about my next treatment - NEXT WEEK?
Oh. I thought it was the 12th?! I kinda want it next week coz then I'll be out for Deri's xmas play in which she has a big part haha! AND, they did say if my bloods were ok, it might be 3 weeks. OR - - - - - have they had biopsy results back again and are not wanting to wait?
Oh balls, it's all such a friggin guessing/waiting game!! Hurumph!
Ahem. Anyway, could be worse :)
Sunday 27 November 2011
Food and visits and more food and Moomintrolls
So, Saturday, Deri was off to ballet then a 'pamper party' for her friend's birthday - pamper party?? Heehee! As my friend Liz said, when we were 6/7, it was soggy sandwiches and musical bumps in your sitting room ;)
So, that meant I had 11-5 to myself, as Megz was out - with Ben do you think?? :D, and Broni was out gallivanting in Cardiff. My dad called - gosh - so he and stepmum came to visit, bringing choklit and new PJs!
Then, because I had been saying I was upset over Deri's nightmares, my fave Moomintroll made a mad offer to come cheer me up, and I said it would be nice, and then we realised it could be done actually so had a funny meet up in the cafe!! I THINK she may have broken some speed limits to get there that quickly!! We took photos of each other being ugly trolls for H and then dashed off.
Deri swirled in shortly afterwards, very happy and excited. And then R, a mum from Deri's school, turned up with homemade casserole and French apple cake!! VERY kind!
I shall soon be HUGE! heehee!
Today I had a fab catch up on the phone with E from London. Then just as about to leave for lunch at mum's, had a call from K who said she was again staying with her friends on Glanusk (G&E and their baby girl R) and should they come over with stuff? Heehee! So, at 4pm, K and G came, with baby!! - and brought mince pies and ...ta da daaaa ... choklit!!!
I am quite achy today. I have felt like I may be on the edge of a cold, but it's prob just chemo bleaugh-i-ness - so, top up the drugs!!
Check up at hossie in the morning, then see when they want me next so can work out my week - ie, how many days sleep can I have and what else do I need to do around the sleep :-)
So, that meant I had 11-5 to myself, as Megz was out - with Ben do you think?? :D, and Broni was out gallivanting in Cardiff. My dad called - gosh - so he and stepmum came to visit, bringing choklit and new PJs!
Then, because I had been saying I was upset over Deri's nightmares, my fave Moomintroll made a mad offer to come cheer me up, and I said it would be nice, and then we realised it could be done actually so had a funny meet up in the cafe!! I THINK she may have broken some speed limits to get there that quickly!! We took photos of each other being ugly trolls for H and then dashed off.
Deri swirled in shortly afterwards, very happy and excited. And then R, a mum from Deri's school, turned up with homemade casserole and French apple cake!! VERY kind!
I shall soon be HUGE! heehee!
Today I had a fab catch up on the phone with E from London. Then just as about to leave for lunch at mum's, had a call from K who said she was again staying with her friends on Glanusk (G&E and their baby girl R) and should they come over with stuff? Heehee! So, at 4pm, K and G came, with baby!! - and brought mince pies and ...ta da daaaa ... choklit!!!
I am quite achy today. I have felt like I may be on the edge of a cold, but it's prob just chemo bleaugh-i-ness - so, top up the drugs!!
Check up at hossie in the morning, then see when they want me next so can work out my week - ie, how many days sleep can I have and what else do I need to do around the sleep :-)
Friday 25 November 2011
Adventure... haha
Ok, so today, for the first time in two weeks, I ... Went Out On My Own. I drove to my little village to get birthday cards etc for the Free Range Teens, oh, and their pressies from Deri, and some fatballs for the birds, and a shiny for me yay! I bought a more substantial clasp for my trollbead bracelet, as I AM intending on it filling up ;)
It was quite exciting, in a sad way haha, to be driving and out on my own!!
Had a visit from auntie C this afternoon, and she brought foody treats nomnom! Lovely to see her and J, and then I did some more internet shopping but this time for food!
Tonight - well, I cooked pasta for Deri, sent Bron off to youth club (yes, I KNOW they go round town really!) and now Deri is a-snoozing, I am doing nothing exceot watch crap tv, lurk on the laptop, and eat G&B choklit :))
It was quite exciting, in a sad way haha, to be driving and out on my own!!
Had a visit from auntie C this afternoon, and she brought foody treats nomnom! Lovely to see her and J, and then I did some more internet shopping but this time for food!
Tonight - well, I cooked pasta for Deri, sent Bron off to youth club (yes, I KNOW they go round town really!) and now Deri is a-snoozing, I am doing nothing exceot watch crap tv, lurk on the laptop, and eat G&B choklit :))
Thursday 24 November 2011
Gold star for blasting
Yesterday Em M took me to hospital for my bloods and check up etc - bloods and platelets lower than Monday but not enough to have to do anything about, and don't want to see me until Monday unless something happens. The doc started to list off what things I should call about, then stopped, looked at me and said ''oh but you're sensible so I don't need to tell you that'' - haha! It's official, I am sensible. I wonder how long that lasts?? ;) The initial assessment of the biopsy shows that Mr Lumpy is still HL, its been sent off for further analysis for confirmation etc.
So, then Em and I went to the cafe on the way home and had a cream tea - fresh, warm scones too, nomnomnom!
Last night I felt quite bright and had a little more energy, but I held back and didn't do anything much! Mum was here cooking, and looking knackered herself. So I introduced the idea of her not being here Friday or Saturday, us going to her for Sunday lunch, and then just coming here Tues and Thurs next week - Tues is my eldest's birthday too! I don't know what date they will give me for going back in, but my mum will need all her energy that week agaain, and as I'm ok to shuffle about with help from the girls this week, it makes sense to have mum's help when really needed :) "Are you sure?" she asked - "what if you feel rubbish one day?" 'Ah, well' I replied - ' thing is, I'm officially sensible, the doc said, so, if I have a bad day, I'll call' ... hehehe!
Today, I woke up at 4am with massive backache, so took co-codomols and turned electric blanket on and went back to sleep - but am KNACKERED today - shuffled about whilst the girls got ready for school, then went back to sleep at 10am and woke up at 1pm, been finishing off some birthday present/xmas present shopping online for my gorgeous gals :)
So, then Em and I went to the cafe on the way home and had a cream tea - fresh, warm scones too, nomnomnom!
Last night I felt quite bright and had a little more energy, but I held back and didn't do anything much! Mum was here cooking, and looking knackered herself. So I introduced the idea of her not being here Friday or Saturday, us going to her for Sunday lunch, and then just coming here Tues and Thurs next week - Tues is my eldest's birthday too! I don't know what date they will give me for going back in, but my mum will need all her energy that week agaain, and as I'm ok to shuffle about with help from the girls this week, it makes sense to have mum's help when really needed :) "Are you sure?" she asked - "what if you feel rubbish one day?" 'Ah, well' I replied - ' thing is, I'm officially sensible, the doc said, so, if I have a bad day, I'll call' ... hehehe!
Today, I woke up at 4am with massive backache, so took co-codomols and turned electric blanket on and went back to sleep - but am KNACKERED today - shuffled about whilst the girls got ready for school, then went back to sleep at 10am and woke up at 1pm, been finishing off some birthday present/xmas present shopping online for my gorgeous gals :)
Tuesday 22 November 2011
Ooh, treats!
So today, Kerry came over this morning for coffee and brought huge Chelsea Buns - oh dear what a shame!
Then at 1pm, a big red minibus from Usk House Hospice picked me up and whisked me off for complementary, complementary therapies! So, I was made a coffee and then my therapist arrived and I was assessed and filled in my forms, and as I can't have massage at the moment, I was offered reiki or reflexology. I have experienced (and given) reiki, so I thought I'd give the latter a go - oh my goodness, pure bliss! So very very nice. Then the driver brought me home again. How fab was that?!
New washing machine that has its door completely working with no leaks arrived today so sending laundry through at a rate of knots!
The itching - grrrrrrrrrr! It is getting better I must say, but if you could see the rash (must try to take pictorial evidence!) - bleugh!
Tomorrow, more check ups and results of the biopsy too methinks. Let's see what Mr Lumpy has been up to and keep blasting him into space!
Then at 1pm, a big red minibus from Usk House Hospice picked me up and whisked me off for complementary, complementary therapies! So, I was made a coffee and then my therapist arrived and I was assessed and filled in my forms, and as I can't have massage at the moment, I was offered reiki or reflexology. I have experienced (and given) reiki, so I thought I'd give the latter a go - oh my goodness, pure bliss! So very very nice. Then the driver brought me home again. How fab was that?!
New washing machine that has its door completely working with no leaks arrived today so sending laundry through at a rate of knots!
The itching - grrrrrrrrrr! It is getting better I must say, but if you could see the rash (must try to take pictorial evidence!) - bleugh!
Tomorrow, more check ups and results of the biopsy too methinks. Let's see what Mr Lumpy has been up to and keep blasting him into space!
Sunday 20 November 2011
Ahhh..... home .... :)
Well, that was the weekend then. Quiet, sleepy, bit fuzzy round the edges. I am ok, bit feeble, bit unsteady on my feet but feeling well in myself - got lots of meds to take and a week's worth of injections to give myself for my blood count. And I need to get some anti-histamine tomorrow as I am a little itchy all over. But I'm eating, drinking, chatting, typing, in between lolling or sleeping!
My poor mother is exhausted! She needs a holiday now lol! I have a fridge/freezer in my pantry down the hall from the kitchen, but Bryan and mum decided that was a bit too far so they have put an under-the-worktop fridge in the kitchen itself! :) They have tried doing everything me and the girls normally do.
It's made me realise how many things a day I usually do. And I know these are a normal amount of things (well, my kind of normal), but - don't we all do a lot of things?! hehe! Was I silly to try carrying on working? I don't know, it did me good in lots of ways. But damn I DO need to rest, so being forced into it is probably no bad thing.
I have napped lots today. I wanted to call more friends. But am a bit pooped! ;)
Meg and Ben came back from his mum's today with a portion of stew his mum had made for me :)
I'd just like to say more thanks to everyone who is with me on this journey. I'll try not to let it drag on too much longer now ;) haha!
Love and Blessings to all xxx
My poor mother is exhausted! She needs a holiday now lol! I have a fridge/freezer in my pantry down the hall from the kitchen, but Bryan and mum decided that was a bit too far so they have put an under-the-worktop fridge in the kitchen itself! :) They have tried doing everything me and the girls normally do.
It's made me realise how many things a day I usually do. And I know these are a normal amount of things (well, my kind of normal), but - don't we all do a lot of things?! hehe! Was I silly to try carrying on working? I don't know, it did me good in lots of ways. But damn I DO need to rest, so being forced into it is probably no bad thing.
I have napped lots today. I wanted to call more friends. But am a bit pooped! ;)
Meg and Ben came back from his mum's today with a portion of stew his mum had made for me :)
I'd just like to say more thanks to everyone who is with me on this journey. I'll try not to let it drag on too much longer now ;) haha!
Love and Blessings to all xxx
Friday 18 November 2011
Hospital Catch-Up .....
I am home now. I couldn't access this blog from my phone very well, but did get onto macmillan, so I'm going to grab what I scribbled there and drag it over .... so niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice to be home!!!
Captain's log: day 1 on Gilwern Ship:
Ok. Day 1 = not bad. 3 different drugs took just under 3 hours. Bit light headed n woozy about 1pm but popped a pill and ok after that. Ate all food fine. Had visits from mum n Deri then Megz n Ben and then Kerry. Deri brought me a cuddly. Megz bought me pink bedsocks with my name on and Kerry bought bananas and green n blacks dark choc :-) Lots of anti nasty drugs given too. So slept well and having brekkie now. Bit headachy so going to take Hilary's advice and take more drugs; how can I argue with a lady with such impeccable taste?!
Day 2 on the good ship Gilwern:
Well I took anti sickness and two cocodomols before bed and woke up with no achy neck huzzah! Doc came by and said I looked less pale and my neck looked smaller!! Already?! Oh yay and then some!! Just one bag of chemo today and more pharmaceutical drugs and I AM more tired but doing ok :-) Today I was spoiled some more! Lynne brewed fresh coffee in pot then decanted it into a flask and wrapped two china mugs and came to my hospital room! Wow! Then Jo turned up with pecan danish delights! Nom! Then my mum and Broni came with hugs, mmmmm, and melon and mango butter cream (my skin is so dry, bits flaking off on my legs!), and Lyndsey arrived with Amé to drink and books and pain au chocolat and mini popadoms! How lucky am I??? :-D By the way, my P went into 'panic about cancer' mode a while back and is hiding in his cave which is why I've not mentioned him recently. I offered him opportunities to admit being freaked out but he's ignored them. So I told him to stay in his cave as don't need folk around me who are faffy plus I'm surrounded by people who love me - and I'm not sad because he can't really help it and people's true colours come out and I have better things to think about... AND, people come into our lives for a reason even if it's not for long so take the good bits and smile and travel onwards... So day 3 tomorrow, another one bag day...
3rd day aboard Ship Gilwern
Yesterday went well, slept well and had a surprise visitor from afar. I DO wish typing here from your phone would allow paragraphs! I'll just have to go paragraph mad when I get home.... Well- I say I slept well - apart from being woken by the poor old lady next door who does impressions of a hacking hag every few hours or so which lasts for 5 minutes: 3am, then, I was shaken out of sleep for a good 15 mins whilst her lungs tried n failed to expel whatever foul mix is inside and whilst nurses dashed in and out. Good grief, poor lady, and also, my poor sleep! My eldest sent me excited texts from London - 6th form school trip - all day and my mum and Deri came visiting at 6 with shining examples of Deris correctly answered homework hehe! And some cuddles and miss-you's. Lump still a-shrinking heh heh heh!!! The jolly fabulous Jodie (sister of Windsor suite) has just come up and plugged my chemo in for today (did I tell you I'm on 2 drips? One runs for 24 hours) and said that considering what I've had shoved in me this week, I'm looking rather well :-)) so gold stars to YOU lot for all your good thoughts/best wishes/promises of cwtchs etc! :-))) I AM more tired and napping a bit more but doing ok...
4th YAWN day was thus spent...
Yes, you guessed, 4th day was mostly spent yawning or sleeping! Good job they give you these big beds with moveable parts to lie on eh? :-) All blood and urine tests are happy ones apparently which is good. Finally had the Dissappointing Meal last night - yuk!! Pasta Bolognese - how can you mess that up?? Ah well. I had pineapple slices and choklit to make up for it! A lovely visit from my gorgeous Deri! And now am waiting for breakkie and 11am when last drip is disconnected and they get me my take-home meds and sign me out!! Eeeeek! Heh heh xxxxxxx
Beam me up Scotty...
Whizz! Bang! Whoosh!
Well, being hospital with it's own time warp, it was more like ' hang about a bit', 'hang around a bit more' ... then when I was ready to be unplugged from my constant companion (Drippy, very reliable but not very chatty), I had a bit of a funny turn felt hot and wobbly and a bit pale and 'fainty' ... the lovely nurses laid me back on my pillows, opened the window and put the fan on and got my Boob Tubes cleaned up - 10 mins later I was ok and called my stepdad and the porter pushed me all the way to the car in a shiny wheelchair ... and then - I was home!
Hugs from a relieved looking mum who then bustled off to prepare dinner; Megz n Ben were here with hugs and then dashing off to construct her new bed! And then Broni rushed in for cuddles too! Deri was supposed to be staying at her friends for a sleepover, but then my friend G phoned to say Deri was crying because ''Lucky the cat had been run over"
We don't know any cats called that.
Poor Deri, it's all obviously been a bit too much for her this week! :(
So G brought Deri home and Deri clung to me and I cwtched her tight and that was all very much better!
And now I am in my gorgeous new boudoir with cuppa, laptop, tv, phone, all my pillows and all my girlies safe and cwtchy :-D
Thanks SO VERY much for seeing me through this week ladies n gents, I hope you all know how tremendous you have been!!
Love You Lots xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Captain's log: day 1 on Gilwern Ship:
Ok. Day 1 = not bad. 3 different drugs took just under 3 hours. Bit light headed n woozy about 1pm but popped a pill and ok after that. Ate all food fine. Had visits from mum n Deri then Megz n Ben and then Kerry. Deri brought me a cuddly. Megz bought me pink bedsocks with my name on and Kerry bought bananas and green n blacks dark choc :-) Lots of anti nasty drugs given too. So slept well and having brekkie now. Bit headachy so going to take Hilary's advice and take more drugs; how can I argue with a lady with such impeccable taste?!
Day 2 on the good ship Gilwern:
Well I took anti sickness and two cocodomols before bed and woke up with no achy neck huzzah! Doc came by and said I looked less pale and my neck looked smaller!! Already?! Oh yay and then some!! Just one bag of chemo today and more pharmaceutical drugs and I AM more tired but doing ok :-) Today I was spoiled some more! Lynne brewed fresh coffee in pot then decanted it into a flask and wrapped two china mugs and came to my hospital room! Wow! Then Jo turned up with pecan danish delights! Nom! Then my mum and Broni came with hugs, mmmmm, and melon and mango butter cream (my skin is so dry, bits flaking off on my legs!), and Lyndsey arrived with Amé to drink and books and pain au chocolat and mini popadoms! How lucky am I??? :-D By the way, my P went into 'panic about cancer' mode a while back and is hiding in his cave which is why I've not mentioned him recently. I offered him opportunities to admit being freaked out but he's ignored them. So I told him to stay in his cave as don't need folk around me who are faffy plus I'm surrounded by people who love me - and I'm not sad because he can't really help it and people's true colours come out and I have better things to think about... AND, people come into our lives for a reason even if it's not for long so take the good bits and smile and travel onwards... So day 3 tomorrow, another one bag day...
3rd day aboard Ship Gilwern
Yesterday went well, slept well and had a surprise visitor from afar. I DO wish typing here from your phone would allow paragraphs! I'll just have to go paragraph mad when I get home.... Well- I say I slept well - apart from being woken by the poor old lady next door who does impressions of a hacking hag every few hours or so which lasts for 5 minutes: 3am, then, I was shaken out of sleep for a good 15 mins whilst her lungs tried n failed to expel whatever foul mix is inside and whilst nurses dashed in and out. Good grief, poor lady, and also, my poor sleep! My eldest sent me excited texts from London - 6th form school trip - all day and my mum and Deri came visiting at 6 with shining examples of Deris correctly answered homework hehe! And some cuddles and miss-you's. Lump still a-shrinking heh heh heh!!! The jolly fabulous Jodie (sister of Windsor suite) has just come up and plugged my chemo in for today (did I tell you I'm on 2 drips? One runs for 24 hours) and said that considering what I've had shoved in me this week, I'm looking rather well :-)) so gold stars to YOU lot for all your good thoughts/best wishes/promises of cwtchs etc! :-))) I AM more tired and napping a bit more but doing ok...
4th YAWN day was thus spent...
Yes, you guessed, 4th day was mostly spent yawning or sleeping! Good job they give you these big beds with moveable parts to lie on eh? :-) All blood and urine tests are happy ones apparently which is good. Finally had the Dissappointing Meal last night - yuk!! Pasta Bolognese - how can you mess that up?? Ah well. I had pineapple slices and choklit to make up for it! A lovely visit from my gorgeous Deri! And now am waiting for breakkie and 11am when last drip is disconnected and they get me my take-home meds and sign me out!! Eeeeek! Heh heh xxxxxxx
Beam me up Scotty...
Whizz! Bang! Whoosh!
Well, being hospital with it's own time warp, it was more like ' hang about a bit', 'hang around a bit more' ... then when I was ready to be unplugged from my constant companion (Drippy, very reliable but not very chatty), I had a bit of a funny turn felt hot and wobbly and a bit pale and 'fainty' ... the lovely nurses laid me back on my pillows, opened the window and put the fan on and got my Boob Tubes cleaned up - 10 mins later I was ok and called my stepdad and the porter pushed me all the way to the car in a shiny wheelchair ... and then - I was home!
Hugs from a relieved looking mum who then bustled off to prepare dinner; Megz n Ben were here with hugs and then dashing off to construct her new bed! And then Broni rushed in for cuddles too! Deri was supposed to be staying at her friends for a sleepover, but then my friend G phoned to say Deri was crying because ''Lucky the cat had been run over"
We don't know any cats called that.
Poor Deri, it's all obviously been a bit too much for her this week! :(
So G brought Deri home and Deri clung to me and I cwtched her tight and that was all very much better!
And now I am in my gorgeous new boudoir with cuppa, laptop, tv, phone, all my pillows and all my girlies safe and cwtchy :-D
Thanks SO VERY much for seeing me through this week ladies n gents, I hope you all know how tremendous you have been!!
Love You Lots xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Monday 14 November 2011
Eisteddfod to Ensuite
The weekend began with: taking Deri to the Cwmdu eisteddfod where age had 2nd prize for her Welsh poem recital - yay! Then she was whisked off to a birthday party so I went home and Pam n Jo came a-calling.
Sunday: Megz n Ben n Broni got up when I summoned them so they could help Move Bedrooms Around. Blimey, they worked hard and I tried to help but can't lift or carry anything much (as Deri said to me fri night when I wanted to move things -"should you be doing that with your bad cells mummy?" lol!) and mum n Bry thought THEY would do it but I didn't want them any more knackered so when they arrived armed with dinner they had a nice surprise! The rooms all look great and the teens are very pleased having a room each now!
Deri had been whisked off to Another party so didn't get squished by any beds or dressing tables etc and the little room downstairs us now my room - I have bed and huge sofa and stereo and tv and woodburner :-)
The weekend ended with: mum, Broni and Deri taking me into hospital to my ensuite! Deri says she will bring in a cuddly for me to keep me company :-)
Slept ok but my neck is so big and sore that it is getting in the way and I got quite pissed off with it this morning!
Well here is my breakfast so, I am off...
Sunday: Megz n Ben n Broni got up when I summoned them so they could help Move Bedrooms Around. Blimey, they worked hard and I tried to help but can't lift or carry anything much (as Deri said to me fri night when I wanted to move things -"should you be doing that with your bad cells mummy?" lol!) and mum n Bry thought THEY would do it but I didn't want them any more knackered so when they arrived armed with dinner they had a nice surprise! The rooms all look great and the teens are very pleased having a room each now!
Deri had been whisked off to Another party so didn't get squished by any beds or dressing tables etc and the little room downstairs us now my room - I have bed and huge sofa and stereo and tv and woodburner :-)
The weekend ended with: mum, Broni and Deri taking me into hospital to my ensuite! Deri says she will bring in a cuddly for me to keep me company :-)
Slept ok but my neck is so big and sore that it is getting in the way and I got quite pissed off with it this morning!
Well here is my breakfast so, I am off...
Thursday 10 November 2011
Stop!! It's Plan C actually! .... carry on...............
Went in today with my 24 hour urine sample and to have bloods taken, and to find out what time the new regime would be starting next week. But, last night, my armpit on right hand side felt tender. I thought maybe it was referred pain from swollen Lumpy, but thought I had better mention it anyway.
So then I had to be prodded and wait for a scan. A surprise bonus today!
Scan = nothing. Hoorah. The sister of the ward said during BEACOPP, one IV had to be given at 7pm and she lived locally, she would come back in to do that for me. How very lovely!!
Came back to work, started eating lunch; phone call - thought it may be the Doc from the Gwent with a biopsy appointment. Noo.
Sandra from my hospital: um, the radiologist assessed the drugs in BEACOPP and said they were very similar to ABVD, therefore, no point having BEACOPP. So.... I am Going In. BUT, not to Cardiff, they are going to do the treatment in Abergavenny. So, go onto ward tomorrow to sign all the paperwork, then get admitted Sunday afternoon/evening, get hooked up to chemo Monday morning, and then have a drip in all day every day Mon-Thurs, then on Fri get fluids etc via IV, then go home Fri night if all is well, to collapse into my bed for a week or three. Then do same again in December; they will then test me after two of these delightful courses, and see what's what.
Soooooooooo... there we have it. After making some kind of strangled noises I kinda got round to thinking, actually, 5 days 'inside' is less complicated than going in on days 1,2,3,8 etc, and I won't have to try and smile feebly at my 7 year old each evening... I will obviously be fairly feeble when I come home after 5 days, but as I (probably) won't have to be taking anything at home, I will be less bleugh in some ways.
Also, as my little one knows where the local hospital is, when she is staying with my mum/mum staying here, she will 'know' where I am and so won't fret so much.
I don't know if I will be able to access internet much from my phone in hospital, so if you don't hear from me next week, I'm either in druggie coma and/or swearing at my phone :)
So then I had to be prodded and wait for a scan. A surprise bonus today!
Scan = nothing. Hoorah. The sister of the ward said during BEACOPP, one IV had to be given at 7pm and she lived locally, she would come back in to do that for me. How very lovely!!
Came back to work, started eating lunch; phone call - thought it may be the Doc from the Gwent with a biopsy appointment. Noo.
Sandra from my hospital: um, the radiologist assessed the drugs in BEACOPP and said they were very similar to ABVD, therefore, no point having BEACOPP. So.... I am Going In. BUT, not to Cardiff, they are going to do the treatment in Abergavenny. So, go onto ward tomorrow to sign all the paperwork, then get admitted Sunday afternoon/evening, get hooked up to chemo Monday morning, and then have a drip in all day every day Mon-Thurs, then on Fri get fluids etc via IV, then go home Fri night if all is well, to collapse into my bed for a week or three. Then do same again in December; they will then test me after two of these delightful courses, and see what's what.
Soooooooooo... there we have it. After making some kind of strangled noises I kinda got round to thinking, actually, 5 days 'inside' is less complicated than going in on days 1,2,3,8 etc, and I won't have to try and smile feebly at my 7 year old each evening... I will obviously be fairly feeble when I come home after 5 days, but as I (probably) won't have to be taking anything at home, I will be less bleugh in some ways.
Also, as my little one knows where the local hospital is, when she is staying with my mum/mum staying here, she will 'know' where I am and so won't fret so much.
I don't know if I will be able to access internet much from my phone in hospital, so if you don't hear from me next week, I'm either in druggie coma and/or swearing at my phone :)
Wednesday 9 November 2011
Plan B
So, I took Lumpy along to hospital yesterday, to have bloods taken, but when I showed them Swollen Lumpy they said ''No Chemo For You Tomorrow''. They took bloods, mentioned a more intensive treatment, said to go back today to speak to my own consultant etc.
Did that. I waited warily for the "5 days inpatient" talk. BUT - the consultant, Mrs PJ, and lovely Sandra, the deputy sister on the ward, sat me down and said they had come up with a plan to do a treatment for me on the ward, as an out patient, and the ward sister lives in Aber so had agreed to stay on half hour late on certain days to give me the last IV (has to be certain hours after first one etc), and they had given BEACOPP before but not on this new ward but wanted to try and help me without resorting to being an inpatient ... :))
OH. There we are then... it's onto BEACOPP for me! - I won't have to go in for 5 days , if I behave myself :))
So, either this Monday, or following Monday, depending on when I get my new biopsy (to check it is still Hodgkins and hasn't mutated), I begin the 21 days cycle. have drugs to take at home from day 1, but also come in as an out patient for an infusion (some will be long days) days 1/2/3, then take more pills at home, then back in day 8, then more pills at home,, and a few days of giving myself those jabs in my tummy then a week off everything, then start again. At least 2 cycles.
So NO work at ALL for me for at least 2 months, maybe 3!?! Wow. I will be highly susceptible to infection so no hanging round in centres like mine, or schools, or any large public gathering etc.
Much mooching about on sofas and beds then, feeling more bleugh, but kicking Lumpy's arse big time one hopes :)
Bit nervous. And sad to not be going to work. Glad to be at home for all my girl's birthdays! And if I want to avoid going in I have to rest and try not to get a fever and not get any infections ... so I do have to behave!
Hmmmmmm. Going to be interesting times, gonna need all my reserves, and a full drawer of spoons...
Did that. I waited warily for the "5 days inpatient" talk. BUT - the consultant, Mrs PJ, and lovely Sandra, the deputy sister on the ward, sat me down and said they had come up with a plan to do a treatment for me on the ward, as an out patient, and the ward sister lives in Aber so had agreed to stay on half hour late on certain days to give me the last IV (has to be certain hours after first one etc), and they had given BEACOPP before but not on this new ward but wanted to try and help me without resorting to being an inpatient ... :))
OH. There we are then... it's onto BEACOPP for me! - I won't have to go in for 5 days , if I behave myself :))
So, either this Monday, or following Monday, depending on when I get my new biopsy (to check it is still Hodgkins and hasn't mutated), I begin the 21 days cycle. have drugs to take at home from day 1, but also come in as an out patient for an infusion (some will be long days) days 1/2/3, then take more pills at home, then back in day 8, then more pills at home,, and a few days of giving myself those jabs in my tummy then a week off everything, then start again. At least 2 cycles.
So NO work at ALL for me for at least 2 months, maybe 3!?! Wow. I will be highly susceptible to infection so no hanging round in centres like mine, or schools, or any large public gathering etc.
Much mooching about on sofas and beds then, feeling more bleugh, but kicking Lumpy's arse big time one hopes :)
Bit nervous. And sad to not be going to work. Glad to be at home for all my girl's birthdays! And if I want to avoid going in I have to rest and try not to get a fever and not get any infections ... so I do have to behave!
Hmmmmmm. Going to be interesting times, gonna need all my reserves, and a full drawer of spoons...
Tuesday 8 November 2011
Birthdays, and 'spoons', and questions...
Deri had a BRILLIANT birthday yesterday (Sunday) ! :)) Cake and playbarns and presents, and just much fabness. Some great pics LOL!
Here's a link someone sent me, which goes a long way to explain how things are when you have a long-term and/or serious illness etc ...
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/
Then, another friend asked me about whether or not illness can cause isolation at all, in any way...
Hmmm....... isolation... on some levels, yes, absolutely. Because friends/family/partners etc can sympathise, and try to help, and be loving, and get upset for you, or feel helpless and try to be useful, but if they haven't got, or had, what you have, then none of them can ''be'' right IN there with you, they can't take it away for you, nobody can stop the occasional and out-of-the-blue grip of panic, or brief moments of sadness, or surges of anger at 'why me' that can appear ... I have now got my head around the fact that 3 cycles of chemo didn't magically make my lumps disappear, that it's likely to need 6 cycles. The other 5 day option they mentioned still freaks me out. And I noticed this weekend, that the right hand side of my neck seems firm and slightly swollen again... is that due to me drinking alcohol last Sat and this Sat night? Or is the stubborn lump playing up? Or is it just part of the process? Will I be ok in time for Xmas? Will I be weak and feeble over the holidays? If chemo continues through Dec, I am due the day before Bronwen's birthday - how crap is that?? I may ask if we can tweak the dates! How can I have no spoons available on the day of my daughters birthday? Fuck off cancer you bastard! And people will say, oh. she'll understand, and at least you'll be there even if you're in bed, and she won't mind, and we'll take her out for you etc... but, part of her WILL mind, because her mum will be poorly and I WILL mind because how fucking unfair!
And I have been positive, and thought good thoughts, and laughed at it, and stopped smoking and not had even a glass of wine since August, and eaten broccoli and tomatoes til they come out of my ears, and given up sugar too!
And having found the Macmillan website has been fabulous, coz everyone there is living with cancer and we make silly jokes and we KNOW what we all mean when we describe 'stuff', and we all cheer each other up with black humour, and it's really very useful. And then part of me feels guilty enjoying these conversations and new friendships with people on Macmillan (Macland) because my 'real world' friends have ALL been amazing! Nobody has been awkward or weird, they have all just rallied around and been SO supportive - I am LUCKY to know such top notch folk like YOU!! :))) I have been flooded with offers of support, help, assistance, shopping, childcare, food, hypnotherapy even! AND, another weird but very nice side-effect is that I actually met one of my Macland friends in person, and will do so again when we can both manage to be awake/mobile on the same day LOL!
It is the most surreal experience of my life. I am blessed to have you all. I am lucky that the cancer I am dealing with is not terminal, can be easily treated, that I have the personality I have too I guess, I am sure some others cope worse or better, but I'm doing ok so far!
But, I'm not brave. People have said that I am, but, I have no choice. I HAVE to get on with it! So I am. Some people have said I'm an inspiration. That made me cry. You don't know how much you can deal with until you're dealt your hand, you think??
I want to be well, I want to well soon, and I know I WILL be, but I can be impatient!! ;)
You know what annoyed me the other night? A chap I know from Glanusk, very nice in lots of ways, asked me how I was. I said I was doing well thanks. ''Good girl, that's the way" Good girl??!! I know, I know, he meant well, but really!?!
And, I'm bald, it doesn't suit me, I'm not cute or sexy or quirky being bald! I have a double chin, I'm curvy! And, my neck is still misshapen from the lymphoma. I don't hide, I don't usually feel self conscious, and I am sure most people don't give a sh*t LOL! But it screams ''cancer!'' , you can't pretend like you can with fibromyalgia :)
Does that answer anyone's questions?? :) I don't know, maybe it does, but it was a good opportunity to have a rant ;))
Oh, one more thing ....................... THANK YOU!! Because, all my friends, old and new, near and far, are helping me get through all this so much more easily, and I will always be immensely grateful for that.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Here's a link someone sent me, which goes a long way to explain how things are when you have a long-term and/or serious illness etc ...
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/
Then, another friend asked me about whether or not illness can cause isolation at all, in any way...
Hmmm....... isolation... on some levels, yes, absolutely. Because friends/family/partners etc can sympathise, and try to help, and be loving, and get upset for you, or feel helpless and try to be useful, but if they haven't got, or had, what you have, then none of them can ''be'' right IN there with you, they can't take it away for you, nobody can stop the occasional and out-of-the-blue grip of panic, or brief moments of sadness, or surges of anger at 'why me' that can appear ... I have now got my head around the fact that 3 cycles of chemo didn't magically make my lumps disappear, that it's likely to need 6 cycles. The other 5 day option they mentioned still freaks me out. And I noticed this weekend, that the right hand side of my neck seems firm and slightly swollen again... is that due to me drinking alcohol last Sat and this Sat night? Or is the stubborn lump playing up? Or is it just part of the process? Will I be ok in time for Xmas? Will I be weak and feeble over the holidays? If chemo continues through Dec, I am due the day before Bronwen's birthday - how crap is that?? I may ask if we can tweak the dates! How can I have no spoons available on the day of my daughters birthday? Fuck off cancer you bastard! And people will say, oh. she'll understand, and at least you'll be there even if you're in bed, and she won't mind, and we'll take her out for you etc... but, part of her WILL mind, because her mum will be poorly and I WILL mind because how fucking unfair!
And I have been positive, and thought good thoughts, and laughed at it, and stopped smoking and not had even a glass of wine since August, and eaten broccoli and tomatoes til they come out of my ears, and given up sugar too!
And having found the Macmillan website has been fabulous, coz everyone there is living with cancer and we make silly jokes and we KNOW what we all mean when we describe 'stuff', and we all cheer each other up with black humour, and it's really very useful. And then part of me feels guilty enjoying these conversations and new friendships with people on Macmillan (Macland) because my 'real world' friends have ALL been amazing! Nobody has been awkward or weird, they have all just rallied around and been SO supportive - I am LUCKY to know such top notch folk like YOU!! :))) I have been flooded with offers of support, help, assistance, shopping, childcare, food, hypnotherapy even! AND, another weird but very nice side-effect is that I actually met one of my Macland friends in person, and will do so again when we can both manage to be awake/mobile on the same day LOL!
It is the most surreal experience of my life. I am blessed to have you all. I am lucky that the cancer I am dealing with is not terminal, can be easily treated, that I have the personality I have too I guess, I am sure some others cope worse or better, but I'm doing ok so far!
But, I'm not brave. People have said that I am, but, I have no choice. I HAVE to get on with it! So I am. Some people have said I'm an inspiration. That made me cry. You don't know how much you can deal with until you're dealt your hand, you think??
I want to be well, I want to well soon, and I know I WILL be, but I can be impatient!! ;)
You know what annoyed me the other night? A chap I know from Glanusk, very nice in lots of ways, asked me how I was. I said I was doing well thanks. ''Good girl, that's the way" Good girl??!! I know, I know, he meant well, but really!?!
And, I'm bald, it doesn't suit me, I'm not cute or sexy or quirky being bald! I have a double chin, I'm curvy! And, my neck is still misshapen from the lymphoma. I don't hide, I don't usually feel self conscious, and I am sure most people don't give a sh*t LOL! But it screams ''cancer!'' , you can't pretend like you can with fibromyalgia :)
Does that answer anyone's questions?? :) I don't know, maybe it does, but it was a good opportunity to have a rant ;))
Oh, one more thing ....................... THANK YOU!! Because, all my friends, old and new, near and far, are helping me get through all this so much more easily, and I will always be immensely grateful for that.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Friday 4 November 2011
2 sleeps til birthday madness!
Today I took annual leave so that I could de-clutter/rearrange/shift things/throw out/reccyle all the crap in my little sitting room that will soon be my bedroom/bedsit! :) Phew!! Knackered now but there is now room for my bed and once sofabed goes upstairs, my dressing table can do a swap!
Bron is fine now; she said that she wanted to tell the police to try and stop her friend having to go through it again, and doesn't mind if it goes to court. The cynical side of me says maybe nothing will get done, but my positive side thinks SOMETHING will be ;) Good news is that C is staying with her stepdad this weekend and maybe every weekend, and is not grounded and can come with B to D's birthday party on Sunday :))
Birthdays. 7 years old in 2 sleeps' time. Wow. This time 7 years ago I was 2 weeks overdue and very grumpy. At 4 am, everything went into overdrive and she was born 5 hours later with my gripping the sofa tightly with one hand and my ex's arm with the other! ;) Now here she is, tall and bossy and cute and very funny and sweet and loving... heehee!
Right, have a fireworks party tomorrow and crazy 7 year old stuff to do Sunday, best sign out and get some sleep. But first, may I say that today I was overcome with absolute gratitude and happiness about how damned lucky I am to know the people I do :)
Bron is fine now; she said that she wanted to tell the police to try and stop her friend having to go through it again, and doesn't mind if it goes to court. The cynical side of me says maybe nothing will get done, but my positive side thinks SOMETHING will be ;) Good news is that C is staying with her stepdad this weekend and maybe every weekend, and is not grounded and can come with B to D's birthday party on Sunday :))
Birthdays. 7 years old in 2 sleeps' time. Wow. This time 7 years ago I was 2 weeks overdue and very grumpy. At 4 am, everything went into overdrive and she was born 5 hours later with my gripping the sofa tightly with one hand and my ex's arm with the other! ;) Now here she is, tall and bossy and cute and very funny and sweet and loving... heehee!
Right, have a fireworks party tomorrow and crazy 7 year old stuff to do Sunday, best sign out and get some sleep. But first, may I say that today I was overcome with absolute gratitude and happiness about how damned lucky I am to know the people I do :)
Thursday 3 November 2011
How did we get to Thursday??
Bloody hell. Crazy week.
All geared up for taking small human bean trick or treating on Monday night, then heading home to light a Samhain fire. Sounds simple; leave work, pick D up from friend's after school, zoom her to Jo's to get into her zombie costume (made by her 13 yr old sister), let a bunch of young un's scare locals and get high on E numbers, meet 13 yr old B and her friend C, all go home to mine.
get a call from B about 4 - can C stay at ours as had row with her mum? Yup. get to Jo's at 5.30, text from B, asking where I am, tell her, then 2 minutes later she and C barrel through the door with C sobbing and crying. Jo scoops up all small human beans and goes off - basically C tells me her brother beat her up and throttled her at her stepdads where they were getting changed, then her mum showed up (they are divorced now) and swore at her and B, then drove after them, assaulted C to point of C screaming and crying and a local resident asking B should he call the police (d'uh!!), and then they found me at Jo's. LONG history of C's mum having series of domestic violence relationships which kids witness, plus seeing her trying to hang herself.
I know.
I had to make an official call the next morning. B went into shock at school the next day, broke down completely. She's never witnessed stuff like that. And I think realised how often C DOES see it. She wanted to report it to the police. So they came over last night to take statements.
I felt like I was still in work. But glad I knew what to do.
So, Tuesday night, the party and the stress of Monday caught up with me, and I fell asleep putting D to bed, then came down and fell asleep on sofa again, then woke up at midnight and went to bed! Last night was not vastly different!
This weekend, neighbours (crazy loons who have random parties and bonfires and drink wine round them) are having firework party on Sat, as is tradition, which involves kiddies making and burning a guy, and adults getting rather pissed; Sunday, is D's 7th birthday!! It's the mad playbarn experience! ;)
Keeping in my thoughts everyone who needs cwtchs and love and then some for those who think they don't :D
All geared up for taking small human bean trick or treating on Monday night, then heading home to light a Samhain fire. Sounds simple; leave work, pick D up from friend's after school, zoom her to Jo's to get into her zombie costume (made by her 13 yr old sister), let a bunch of young un's scare locals and get high on E numbers, meet 13 yr old B and her friend C, all go home to mine.
get a call from B about 4 - can C stay at ours as had row with her mum? Yup. get to Jo's at 5.30, text from B, asking where I am, tell her, then 2 minutes later she and C barrel through the door with C sobbing and crying. Jo scoops up all small human beans and goes off - basically C tells me her brother beat her up and throttled her at her stepdads where they were getting changed, then her mum showed up (they are divorced now) and swore at her and B, then drove after them, assaulted C to point of C screaming and crying and a local resident asking B should he call the police (d'uh!!), and then they found me at Jo's. LONG history of C's mum having series of domestic violence relationships which kids witness, plus seeing her trying to hang herself.
I know.
I had to make an official call the next morning. B went into shock at school the next day, broke down completely. She's never witnessed stuff like that. And I think realised how often C DOES see it. She wanted to report it to the police. So they came over last night to take statements.
I felt like I was still in work. But glad I knew what to do.
So, Tuesday night, the party and the stress of Monday caught up with me, and I fell asleep putting D to bed, then came down and fell asleep on sofa again, then woke up at midnight and went to bed! Last night was not vastly different!
This weekend, neighbours (crazy loons who have random parties and bonfires and drink wine round them) are having firework party on Sat, as is tradition, which involves kiddies making and burning a guy, and adults getting rather pissed; Sunday, is D's 7th birthday!! It's the mad playbarn experience! ;)
Keeping in my thoughts everyone who needs cwtchs and love and then some for those who think they don't :D
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