Hair today, gone tomorrow?

Well having checked my hair from all angles by using 2 mirrors, I can see that it is so patchy it's going to have to go!

I am wearing a ''buff'' that Pedro donated at the mo, and going out for lunch with mum and Bry in a bit so may try my jersey hat too ... and then borrow some clippers and have to go for it ... oh blimey, kinda looking forward to just getting rid of it and kinda wondering how weird it will be!!

Thankfully temperature is behaving, and had a lovely surprise this morning when Kerry was free and popped over with a bun for a catch-up :)

See what the lady from Usk House has to say later re: which therapies I can have! :)

Chemo#4

So after getting PET scan postponed until the 10th, off I went to Nevill Hall for chemo #4. Jo came to chat with me during the last hour :)
My ''positional'' hickman line played up so I wiggled in chair and flapped some arms etc and then discovered that if I pulled my shoulders back, it flowed freely lol!
So I sat with correct posture and nearly offered to balance a book on my head... ;)
Back home and at abouy 4pm felt myself getting cold and shivery - aha I thought, it's going to be a high temperature type afternoon. So wrapped in PJs, fluffy dressing gowna nd a blanket, I lay all light - headed and woozy on the sofa. Then 2 hours later I was BOILING and had to sit in my vest! Have been taking my temperature every half hour and drinking lots (no not the gin) and it's back down again. Couldn't eat lunch either, felt too woozy. Have just had a cuppa and a slice of mum's home made cheescake and beginning to feel more normal.
So, PET scan is now on the 10th as I said, two days before chemo #5 - the doc today says they will continue with the course of chemo (6) whatever the results, as even if the lumps HAVE disappeared, finishing the course will obviously help etc. Who's keeping fingers crossed that is WILL only be 6? ;)
Tomorrow Dinae from Usk House Hospice is calling in to discuss my free complemntary therapies options! :D Very excited!
And if I'm feleing ok, I may go out for lunch with my muma nd stepdad, but I won't if feeling slightly wobbly as last time it wiped me out!

Glow in the dark

So tomorrow, I go off to the Heath (rather be swept off by Heathcliffe but you can't have everything) in Cardiff For the PET Scan (nope, no ducks or dogs will be involved) to be injected with glow in the dark stuff but instead of throwing star shapes I have to sit perfectly still for 90 minutes. . . so I'm taking a book!! I can't have anyone sit with me as I'll be very radioactive so I guess it's another opportunity for chilling out with a book eh?
After 90 minutes they then out me in the bigger version of the giant polo I went in for the CT scan, and lie there for 20 mins. By then it'll be lunch time and I'll be ravenous! I can't have physical contact wirh any young children or pregnant people for 6 hours after being injected so good thing Deri is at her friend's for tea and her mum with bring her back late by which time I'll be huggable.
Then, hospitals are not done with me, because on the way home I have to pop in to my local (still no G&T's yet) for bloods to be taken ready for Chemo#4 on Wednesday.

Now, I am hoping that the possibility the doc mentioned will be a reality when I get my PET results... ie: that if the lumps have shrunk quickly enough I will only need 6 treatments. I am aware that the reality could be anything too. So, another waiting game... grrr to waiting LOL!

My hair. Well, instead of just falling out, it's thinning on top. I have a fringe. I have hair at the back. The bit in between is pathetic! Thankfully, being a full-blown hippy (see previous blog) I have those hippy hairbands which can be worn wide or thin so they are currently on 'fairly wide' mode ;)
So I'll take my weird hair (says the girl who used to have red dreadlocks in a previous life) and go and glow in an unsociable non-touchy way and then have more blood extracted and then maybe just lurk on the sofa with cups of tea and blink a lot ....................

Sofas

Well, yesterday all I did was drive to drop off my middle free-range-teen at the train station, and then pick her up again later. My youngest was picked up for ballet and taken to the milkshake bar thingy then back to her friend's, and my eldest was at her b/f's, so I practised what I have been preaching, and SAT ON THE SOFA ALL DAY *looks proud*
I watched Discovery channel - Animal Cops rescue and Monkey Life Sanctuary LOL! and bid for some shoes on ebay. Bliss ;) I only got twitchy once or twice and kept reminding myself that this is what my body needs so help get better, and it was nice for a change to just zone out and not use my brain very much!
This morning I am back to jabbing myself in the tummy again for 3 days leading up to chemo #4 (2b) and trying to stop myself thinking about the results of the PET which I haven't even had yet! It's next Tuesday and I'm hoping it's all going as planned!! Occasionally I find myself imagining all the 'what-ifs' and going through all the possibilities?! I do try not to but now and then it creeps up on me and then I find myself doing that and have to shake myself out of it! I usually just have a word with the lumps and say 'yeh, you, buggering off now are you' and visualise myself lump-free etc ...
Today we are off for lunch at my mum's, tomorrow my mum and stepdad are painting the bathroom! It's been interesting because often when they helped out it was attached to a condition of some sort but since having cancer they are just offering unconditionally. I know our lifestyles differ and they way we keep houses differs and they can't understand festivals or ''weird'' music and taking my kids off to look at stone circles (did I hear someone shout ''hippy'' ?! lol) so they tried to help me a single mum but pull me into their way of doing stuff and that never worked so there were sometimes clashes.... but all that's gone now which leads me to think that some good shit is coming out of this cancer stuff too. Or is that just me? *grins*
And my poor friends... usually they have me chatty and bubbly for long periods of time and now it's in short bursts... oh, wait, maybe that's a GOOD thing for them? :P ... but sustaining a conversation is tricky these days even when you don't think you're feeling that tired, you realise you are actually quite knackered and can't keep up a chat which you were looking forward to. And that's quite annoying!
At work it's not too bad as everyone is busy so there only short snatches of chat and then the rest of the time I'm busy emailing, organising etc, or taking referrals, in person or on the phone. Some of these can take time, but because it's all about THEM and you're busy listening and planning what's best at same time, it seems to work out ok, and if I do feel drained afterwards I can go make a cuppa and chill out for a bit :)
I'd better go and get showered and dressed now then otherwise I'll be turning up for lunch in my pyjamas! Keeping my fingers crossed for my ebay shoes!

Head Tilting

So, went to see my GP, the nice man that was a bit too blase about my lumps in my neck... he had asked me to go in, and was very head tilty and ''it's always difficult to know how concerned to be about lumps" type chat. I have him The Look and said 'yes and I'm glad I came to see you when I did and asked for the referral and once I'd been to hospital things moved very quickly...' and decided I'd leave it at that as he was trying very hard to be helpful and offer support etc...... I told him about me calling Usk House re: complementary therapies and he said there are 2 Macmillan nurses there too. I left then with us agreeing that I'd call him if I needed anything.
Back into work then where I did lots of emailing and started planning a Xmas-y type fayre at the centre ( I KNOW!) and then bought a nintendo ds lite on ebay for my 6 year old's birthday which was nearly half price with lots of free games so let's hope it is working ;)
Last night I roasted a chicken so today had some in sarnies for work and last ight made the rest into a casserole with broccoli and yellow peppers and celery and garlic :D ... So had some of that this evening........ NomNomNom! It will be soup tomorrow............... but do I have that before or after the crab fishcakes my mum made ... ?
Now I am starving LOL!

I'll have another appointment please

So today I had another appointment. Well, why not, not like I have anything better to do :))
It was a meeting with the cancer team  psychologist. The nurses book you in as routine and then they see you regularly if you're not coping well etc... we had a good natter and she said that often she is contacted by patients after the treatments finish as when there's nothing else happening some people feel lost... we agreed that I was doing ok for now but I can call her any time to meet up if me or my kids are upset etc. Fab :) Nice to know how much support is out there.

My GP appointment is tomorrow. PET scan Tuesday followed by calling into my local (hospital not pub these days) for my bloods ready for my chemo appointment ... where do you fit in just being then? ;)

AND, I called a local hospice and support centre to enquire about their complementary therapies for cancer patients and a nice lady called back and is coming to see me next Thursday to fill in forms and take notes etc and then book me in for whatever therapies are most appropriate ... yay for being spoiled! :D

I am hoping that when I get PET results they say in a jolly voice "oh there we are, only 2 more chemos for you!" yet am aware it may need to be more so  keeping fingers crossed! ;)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PETs, not small furry ones though

Today I mostly ate cupcakes. For charity of course :))
Went and had Boob Tube flushed. Kay the nurse managed to get some blood out of it today but only by me standing up, taking deep breaths, then coughing then swinging my arm around. Which was needed after those cupcakes I expect. Saw Gwen the non-stop talking lady there (did I not mention her last week??) who told me all about her sandwiches from Waitrose. :)
Got home to my bathroom taps having been fixed by Ian Glanusk Fixing Man. And my mum having ordered a shedful of logs. Huzzah! And, a letter from GP asking me to go in and see him. Guessing its about my diagnosis and him wanting to catch up. He has some catching up to do! And then a phone-call from the Heath hospital in Cardiff, saying my PET scan is next Tuesday! 10am. Once I'm injected with radioactive stuff I have to sit as still as possible for 1 and half hours, so taking books! Then I get scanned in a bigger version of the giant polo I went in when I had the CT scan. Then I have to avoid physical contact with children or pregnant people for 6 hours from start of injection, so can't hug my kids immediately after school :( Then, ta da dah... waiting for results , again!
Then, I went to a public meeting with some weirdos from the council who did a very good job of pretending to listen to us parents about why they must NOT close down our kids' primary school... dunno what I said but the local journo came up and asked me and Liz for our phone numbers  -  uh-oh! ;)
Now..............bed... sleep. yum................. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Take away wigs?

Having missed a day's diary due to internet shenanigans, I'll try to remember two days worth of stuff!

Yesterday was spent at work setting up for a fund raising day today, I did lots of delegating and folding up of tombola tickets! I then went to the wig shop. I was prepared for feeling all sorts of stuff, but I didn't feel emotional - is that due to growing up with a mum who owned a hairdressers, so lots of 'heads' with hair pieces and wigs on was the norm..? I dunno. But anyway I tried not to laugh at the quite frankly silly wigs, there were one or two ok ones, the young woman doing the consultation was lovely, very professional, so if you were feeling weird I'm sure you'd be put as ease ... I chose one nearest to my new hair do, it's on order, and bought a jersey head-wrap/hat thingy. It'll keep my head warm in the winter ;) Especially as the hair is getting thinner, particularly behind the fringe area...
I also lit the first fire of the year indoors in the pot belly stove - toasty warm! AND, I fancied something *not* plain to eat so bribed my teens to clean the duckshed in return for a chinese takeaway! So first I had to stand and direct them to teach them how to do it, and they did very well in their wellies and gloves :)) So then we sat in front of the fire with our feet up and scoffed the takeaway and watched Scrubs on tv!

Today the 1 year anniversary of the centre was celebrated by raising funds for Breast Cancer and Jeans for Genes and I planned it before the chemo started or had  a diagnosis so all I could do was ''direct'' and everyone did me proud and there were fabulous home made cakes and teas n coffees and despite the drizzle , in 3 hours we raised £170!! :))
 Despite trying not to do much I was on my feet a while and my back is telling me off but we all enjoyed it!
Home to another fire and loaning out my laptop for German homework & psychology homework ;)
Am quite knackered so will claim an hours' TOIL tomorrow after the hospital appointment and go home early. A good plan methinks...

Did I mention the Ducks?

Well, nice long sleep with no weird dreams, ok, rephrase that, no gory dreams, as mine are always a bit odd, its the nature of dreams isn't it?
I was rearranging a house with an ex, although the house and the ex kept changing,  and setting up a stall selling clothes and food in the market. And why not? :)
AH yes, ducks. We had 7 to begin with, they were a 'rescue'. They roam freely in my mini field all day, and tucked up in their duck house (which was a present for my 40th birthday from my mum) at night. But, we have lost 3. Fox? Nah, they kill all of them at once usually. We have lots of mink round here, and they tend , my farmer friend tells me, to steal one at a time. So, we are down from 6 or 7 eggs a day to 3 or 4, and recently down to 1 or 2 .. I thought it was down to the season or something else random, but having wandered the field last week, found little 'nests' dotted about with eggs which will now be 'off'. So, less for me to sell at the local deli, and less for us to eat! Trouble is, having left the back half of the field to be wild, I cannot get trough it to check for any eggs at the back of the wilderness. Dammit! These ducks are too cunning for me!
Wish I could train my dog to go find the eggs and carry them to me! Don't laugh, my farmer friends daughter HAS trained her springer spaniel to do just that for their chicken eggs - if he delivers them to her without dropping them, he gets biscuits! How fab is that? Will she hire him to me?!
Now all that is fine and dandy, the sack of food costs £6 and last 2 or 3 weeks, plus scraps from us, so they don't cost us really, but the issue now, since I'm all "ill and feeble", is the ...
Mucking Out Of The Duck Shed.  Hmmm. Teenage girls are NOT tempted. May have to resort to bribery. I do have friends next door with lads of 19 and 25, and am thinking of recruiting them too!

*waves feebly*

Good evening guys n gals.
Woke at 8am, didn't really get sleepy enough to go back to bed, decided to drive out with my 13 yr old and meet Lynne for lunch, that exhausted me so had a good 3 hour nap when we got back!
I am not feeling worse each time after chemo, but I am feeling progressively more knackered! My two days off afterwards MUST be just that, keeping visitors to a minimum and not going anywhere, get myself ready for the Monday back at work ... and so, back to the sofa!

Yawning again??

Well, all that having fun with visitors proved too much for me as I have been unable to do anything except nap until I had to pick Deri up from school at 3!!

Must remember that the steroids and antihistamines mask the tiredness somewhat the day after and next time not do very much (see, I am learning!)

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...........................................

resting, spoiling, yawning...

Well, started the day by lying on sofa in PJ's after Deri getting picked up for school, had a nap and then Jo came over and made me coffee, gave me a pecan danish and washed up :))
Then mum called and said did I fancy lunch out? Ooh yes! So P met us and we ate at the Bear. Yum. Then home for nap before kids arrived home, and A arriving in her new camper van from Hereford to have a catch up.
She brought a bottle of wine, and I drank half a glass - oh yes, I am living the high life I tell you! ;)
Nice nice day, just tried not to yawn on everyone's faces lol! I did yawn a lot, just something we have to get used to ;)
xx

a stitch in time

Well, it all went well until they tired to get the stitch out from the Hickman line op thingy and a bit of it was stuck to the scab so it pulled - bit *ouch* - two nurses, a very small scalpel and a bit of wincing from me...  but we got there in the end ;)
Feeling WOOZY from piriton etc, but picked up afterwards by stepdad, mum here all afternoon to make me cuppas and cooked dinner when kids got in, so lolling on sofa is all I've done and all I'm going to do until I go to read my little 'un a bedtime story :)
Thank you all for your lovely hugs and best wishes, I think they're working ;)
xxxx

Unco-operative piping

So went for bloods today. My 'positional' tubes which have caused a little difficulty before played up big time today and they had to resort to taking bloods from my arm as none would come out from the tubes, despite them asking me to put arms above head, try coughing, deep breaths, lying flat, standing up....... NO said the tubes! Then the nurse tried removing the stitch (the 3 weeks since having tubes inserted is up... REALLY??) but it was partly stuck to the scab so when she pulled............ OUCH! I wanted to cry even though it wasn't THAT painful, but the wibbly bit of me was threatening to come out again ;)
The deputy sister asked if I was ok as I didn't look as perky as usual and asked if I had had any more upsets since last Monday, and I said yes, on Sunday... she said she thought so and had I booked to see the psychologist yet? She's a canny lass ;)) I originally asked to see her so I could refer the kids but I think I may need someone neutral to 'vent' to as well!
Bumped into the local lady with breast cancer today - scarf wrapped round her shaved head - had a chat about a foot in both worlds, normal world and cancer world, about how you have your head around it yet you don't ... good to touch base with someone who can relate :)
So, if no phone call to say bloods not up enough, its chemo #3 at 11am tomorrow. Got a new book that Sascha has loaned me........

wibbly wobbly

Having a little sob on the phone with P and then chatting on phone with lovely Lynne cheered me up and I went to bed happier, and also didn't have an odd dream for a change. Well, actually, my dreams are ALWAYS vivid, but recently they have been bit gory too. I think the shock and the physical stuff/being manhandled etc is coming out..?
Anyhoo, woke up feeling a lot brighter this morning, can feel the little wibble just under the surface but am partly putting that down to the FULL MOON this evening, had a nice quiet day at work and as I am excited about CAB leaving the building soon ( I should explain that at some point!),  made a provisional plan in my head as to how I would rearrange the teams, rooms, etc! And during a quiet hour, I started planning Deri's birthday party, would it be Cantref farm, or a fairy party... having asked Deri this eve she DEFINITELY wants Cantref. Which has pros and cons. Pros = I don't have to do anything except turn up as its a playbarn on a farm, they do the food etc, kids don't need entertaining as they run about for 2 hours like loons. Cons = cost, and the shite food LOL! But as I may be exhausted still from chemo stuff, it seems it is the best option this year. :)
Spoke to mum earlier to thank her for the flan she gave us on weekend for tonight, said I'd emailed to explain why I was bit whatever I was on Sunday, she said straightaway she understands, it's a lot to deal with and just having the hickman hanging out of you every day must to stuff to you even if you're not consciously thinking about it! Bless her :) Two sleeps til chemo day. Washed my hair and lots came out. I wonder if there'll be nay left in morning to fluff up and spray and blowdry lol?!
Going to drink a big mug of tea now and hopefully have a quick natter with LouLou if all goes to plan... :)

overwhelmed?

A nice start to the day with a nice long bath, of course tucking the tubes up out of the way so they don't get wet, followed by only having to shout 4 times to get my 13 yr old out of the house so we could get to my mums for lunch, time being the essence today as they were off to Devon at about 4.
"you look pale and fraught" said my mum, more than once. I wasn't feeling fraught. But it got me thinking. And I think all the help is getting to me! How odd does that sound? And perhaps ungrateful?? But I am used to my space and independence. And I AM appreciating all the help. She is planning on redecorating the girls bedrooms. It is overdue! And the bathroom, ditto. But what is getting to me is how many times she phones, and how long she wants to talk for, often repeating herself. Now, I KNOW she is worried. I KNOW she wants to help. But talking in person knackers me out. Sometimes I do not want to talk, to anyone, or even HEAR other people talking! Does that sound odd? Anyway, I sent her an email, along the lines of what I said here....
""Thanks for lovely Sunday lunch, hope your visit goes well

I wasn't feeling fraught, but I did think about why you may have said that.

I think I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I am used to lots of space and independence.

I am enjoying and appreciating the help from you and other mums etc, but, sometimes my brain is tired

and I don't want to talk or to hear people talking, or find it hard to concentrate! Does that sound odd??

Others I have spoken to say they found it the same whilst having chemo - things need to be kept simple and

you know when you can talk and when you can't and it seems rude to say to people, do you know, I can't really chat at the moment, try me again later/tomorrow, but I suppose you have to do it otherwise you get more tired?

So. To compensate fro the days when I'm not chatty, I thought of a plan to help us all.

When we decide what is best thing for you two to do to help on Wed mornings, let's write it down, me in my diary, you in yours, then we don't need to talk about it a lot unless it needs dates changing or something adding.

 And, last but not least, THANK YOU

Lots of Love and cwtchs

Ems xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   ""

I hope that sounds okay to them!!?!

P worked too long today to appreciate his night off so he's asleep on his sofa and I wanted to go drink coffee down the Bear so I'm sulking a bit now but that's what happened when you date someone who runs a hotel and restaurant!! I did say to the Universe that my next fella needed to have a job and work hard. HAH be careful what you wish for lol! ;) A new chef and new menu has meant a manic weekend, but I think he has Mon eve off , so hopefully, tomorrow evening shall be all ours!!

I am stuffing red grapes down me. I guess it balances out the chocolate I stuffed earlier!

A friend tells me a woman we know from our kids' primary school is also thinner and sporting a head scarf in our village ... blimey. I like her too, although that sounds silly. Anyway, maybe we'll do coffee over bald heads?

Child-free day

Lurched out of bed at 5.40am, managed to get one 6 yr old and two 13 yr olds out of the house by 6.40 in time to get on a bus at 6.50, all excitedly off to legoland.
Back to bed then for me til 9.30, then lay on sofa drinking tea. The theme of the week seems to be food, as I met up with the delightful Emma for lunch yesterday! Today I managed to get my glad rags on in time to meet lovely Lynne for lunch... baguettes and chips yumyum! Then we drifted about the village and peered into various shops, and then I found what I have been after for weeks - a mac. LOL! I have winter coat, wool coats, cardigans galore, but nothing waterproof apart from my walking-up-mountains-storm-proof-not very-sexy-coat. SO today I found a bright green, dotty type mac which is fabric but lined and waterproof,
(100% organic cotton PU coating??) half price in the sale, last one there and NOT a size bloody 10 LOL! Big enough for my volumptuous hips and boobs, and does up and everything ;) I love being girlie sometimes!Back to sofa for more napping, now munching on "Convivial Yorksshire Crisps", cheeses and apple chutney with cider, bought for me by my eldest's B/F (I think his mum may have helped?!), and ready to dash out in half an hour to pick up happy and very tied people off a bus.............. and tomorrow we get Sunday Lunch at my mum's! Bliss, what a weekend! ;)

YAWNING!

That is all I have done today. Well, not literally, otherwise I would be sat here having not got dressed or gone to work or eaten or used the loo... :)
But yes, yawning took up a large amount of my time. So, why stay in work I hear you cry? I asked myself that and the response was, they are giving you 3 days off a fortnight so TRY to go in when you can to hang onto job, you'd be bored at home, you can nap in the counselling room/in car, and you do really really like this job! I HAVE promised to go home if I feel crap, and I shall. I didn't feel crap, just tired, and will have an early night , and once I have taken Deri, Broni and Jess to the bus for 7am to go to Legoland tomorrow, I shall be back in bed, until time to meet Lynne for lunch, then back home to bed until time to pick them all up off bus again :))
I was tired enough for Liz to remark that I looked a little pale around the gills... so am now trying to wind down after having to pack a bag for Deri with packed lunch and spare dry clothes in for tomorrow!

A normal day??

Well, let's see...
I went to work, it was a nice quiet day so did some admin/organising stuff, Liz the counsellor lady that appeared when I decided the centre needed one (grins, I like the way the Universe works)  took me for lunch, sorted out some training, picked Deri up, dropped Megan at work, had dinner, Pam came to see me, arranged lunch with Lynne on Sat, and its 10 pm and I'm not feeling shit! :)) 
BUT< I will still go to bed before 11 anyway to keep feeling good :)Mum tried to be super helpful by offering to be here for 6 to take Megz, and to pick her up too. But Megz may not finish til late, and also, my mum has a dodgy hip and knackered lungs, and I really need her to be there on my crap days! So I said no, and took Meg myself and got Meg a lift home ;)
Ok, maybe not completely normal. I want to go with Deri to Legoland! I want to not have tubes coming out of my chest so I can make love! I am not saying ''why me'', because I know I CAN handle the chemo and get better, it's all the other frustrations and awkwardness-es and inconveniences ! BUT - let's see what the PET scan say sat end of month and then I will have a better idea of how long the treatments will be for and how long I wear the Boob Tube ;)
And, big releasing, with a wry smile, *sigh* ;)

Tubes, or pipes?

Before work I washed my hair and quite a lot came out, and I was annoyed at it ruining my new pixi crop than actually losing all my hair lol! ;)

Into work again today, but only until 2 as had to go and have my tubes flushed - doesn't that sound delightful? ;) - and as I tired I went straight home, or rather, to pick up Deri from school. She is more cuddly than usual I have noticed. I think in her little 6 year old way she is concerned about her ol' mum :) Also, the school organised a trip this Sat to Legoland, which I was going on with her. I can't go now - too long a day, low immune system etc... and usually she will go anywhere without me, but when I told her she burst into tears and said ''I am NOT going without you!!"
Eventually I managed to sort things out so her big sis can take my place, and she said yes she *would* go with family but not just with friends! I didn't want her missing out on such a fab day out just coz I'm 'ill'. I also found her determination to be supportive of ME very touching. *sniff*

Came home to find that my mum and stepdad had cleaned the carpets downstairs and put up new curtains in sitting room :) - and left dinner in the oven - nom nom nom!! Thanks Mum!
Quite tired, can't write much as torn between sleep and food lol! Maybe eat then sleep, easier than trying to eat whilst sleeping eh?

Work World?

So, a 'normal' day then. Drop Deri at breakfast club, get to work, switch on computer and kettle. Thankful got all the 'hellos' and 'how are yous' and 'are you oks' out of the way yesterday! ;)
No meetings booked or planned so I can take it easy, but I was Tired after lunch!
Maybe this was also due to a purge last night - I had a row with the teens... I think we were all tired and stressed and emotional and it all just bubbled over... but we were all hugging, crying, laughing and saying we loved each other by the end of it. I think it was needed in a way, and I haven't cried since the morning after the diagnosis so I let myself sob and feel sorry for myself - following on from the release from the shouting it was a good emotional purge indeed! And the hugs and the love afterwards - just lovely ...

New Hair-Do!

Well, went back to mum's this morning to have the bob changed to something more 'me ... feel much better now lol! People have said it makes me look younger - bonus! Even if they don't mean it, who cares, it had to happen and I like it now :)
Went to get dressing changed and everyone's happy with it, doc gave me some antibiotics as the swab they took last week proved positive etc, so have 5 days of those to take.
Then I drove home to be here fore when Bronwen's school bag got dropped off, then popped to see Pedro for 5 minutes. He likes the hair too. Then I went to work for 2 hours, said Hi to everyone, checked/filtered/replied/deleted the 150 emails ready for a 'normal' day's work tomorrow! Line manager came to see me and had a nice quick chat and signed the return to work form. My two days following chemo are going to be "rest & recuperation" days not sick days so my pay can less interfered with and I don;t have to fill in a return to work form every fortnight! It was emphasised by her that I MUST only go in and when I feel like it and leave when I am tired etc, and I said that plan was EXACTLY what I was going to do, so hoorah!
My fab baking-mad mother called in at 5pm with dinner for tonight, a cake, dinner for tomorrow and tins of soup... she is brill!

ALSO - each of my girls started a new year at school today of course - Deri, yr 2, Bronwen, year 9, in the new blazer and tie and will soon have to take her 'choices' for GCSE's! Megan started 6th form!!! I am SO very proud of my munchkins, they are growing up beautifully :D

Appetite for life but not much for food!

Sunday morning, not exactly queasy but not exactly hungry either, banana didn't go down well so abandoned it half way through, having some toast with a hint of butter now!
Earlier I went out into the garden to brush my hair, so that the bits that fall out didn't have to be swept up/hoovered up/washed down the sink! Stuck the 3 hairbrush-fuls in the hedge instead. Ready now for being cut.
Sunday lunch at mum's today but I think I fancy just roast pots and some veg, not the toad in the hole delight she has planned :)
Let's see what the hair cut looks like later then............

Hair we go ...

Left my window open last night and was woken at 6.30 by the 1 feral duck who 98% of the time refuses to tuck up in the duck shed with the others; she was having a good old Quack, probably because she misses out on the evening feed by NOT getting in the shed... anyway, as our old windows wouldn't disguise much quacking even if I shut them, I wandered out to let the other ducks out and throw some food down, then took the 1st of 3 anti-sickness pills of the day, and went back to bed. Deri woke me at 7.30 asking for a kiss and a cwtch and if she could go and stick the tv on. Then back an hour later as she was hungry :)
So I had a cuppa too, and followed Deri's plan to have weetabix but don't think that was a good idea as too much milk maybe, feel slightly queasy now. napped on sofa, it's 12/30 now and going to have an apple to go with my exciting bottle of water :)
Am quite knackered today I must say.
So, there I was, reading my book, fiddling with my hair... I missed a knot yesterday it seems, so I did the usual of tugging at it a bit with my fingers and here comes a handful of hair... I pulled gently at another area just to see - yep, the same. "Right" I said out loud to myself, "here we go then", and then the pun of Hair We Go came to mind - oh dearie me my humour really IS awful eh??
So, do I let it just fall out slowly, do I go for a 'jaunty' shorter style - recommended by the nurses too - ?
No point going for layered or feathered styles as who knows which bits of hair will come out and make it look weird! Just a 'bob' then? Or have it cut close to the head? Oh decisions decisions. Best go see that fella about my wig prescription this week then, in case I get an urge to wear one. I THINK I'll be more inclined to go for scarves etc, but if I don't order a wig now I may then want one later! I am after all, quite awkward sometimes ;)
Deri is supposed to be meeting her father at the park today, I think some fresh air would be good (I have to accompany her due to various shitty factors regarding him/booze/behaviour etc etc) but I am tired so I may need to make excuses and only have an hour out... in which case, we had better get dressed, OR, stay in and when he calls pretend we all have a bug and can't do anything til next week...? Hmmmmm
Munching an apple seems to be working. Will make Deri some lunch and see what we feel like then ....

why 5 am?

Well, after napping on and off on the sofa, then watching some crap TV, and a lovely call from Lynne, I went off to bed about 11. Pedro sent me a FB email as he'd lost his phone (!) just as I got into bed :)
I slept fine, woke up at 5,had a stern word with myself about not being so silly, and went back to sleep, but woke again at 6.30, thirsty, drink of water didn't help, so here I am, at 7 am ish, with a banana to eat so I can take the pills, a nice cuppa, jabbed my muffin top tummy, took my temperature (a very respectful 36.8 this morning), and lurking on sofa in the snazzy new fluffy dressing gown... I have been out and fed/watered the ducks and fancy a dog walk but the hair is VERY greasy (should have washed it yesterday!!) so before I scare the public I'll wash hair AND get some clothes on beforehand!!
I think mum is keeping the kiddies until about 4pm, so plenty of napping/lurking/lolling time for me, although I will have a lunch time visit from Greg (Green Man fella) as this year the production team left behind their hard drives with festy footage on... he is having to come back down from London for it!! ;)
So, anyway, back to that lolling..................

Chemo # 2 ...

Started the day by taking temp, tablet, & jabbing my tummy, then dropped off at the hospital by mum & stepdad.
All went well there, but back ache I woke with wouldn't go... dressing & wound checked - not oozing now it has a dry dressing instead of clear one. Waiting for results of swab taken to see if need antibiotics.
Back to mum's, back killing me, ate some lunch but not really hungry, wanted to lie down... did so, in spare bed, but then couldn't get warm...... asked mum to take me home earlier than planned so I could put warm clothes on - took temp - 37.8, half hour later  - 38.5... eek! Would I need to go in for antibiotics?? Called hospital - they said as I was not vomiting or bleeding (?? - from my tube??) to just take temp every half hour and if 2/3 times later it hadn't fallen, to call back ready to go in. Thankfully it was 37.5 on last reading!
Mum taken girls to hers for the night so I can have some peace n quiet, with the proviso that I call if I am even SLIGHTLY ill/hot etc :)
It has knocked me about much more than last time, though now temp is lower I am feeling more human. Surrounded by iced water and tonic water, book, TV remote, laptop, phones, thermometer, cushions, fluffy dressing gown and blanket..... all of that just in case! I am on my Very Comfy Sofa too, so may not make it to bed lol!
All in all, knackered but smiling..............................albeit slightly feebly ;)