Monday = spent in bed, not asleep but propped up on pillows with tv and laptop. Tuesday = met with Lovely Liz, the biodynamic counsellor whom I found to work with our clients at the MAC. She had been 'home' to Barbados for 6 weeks, so we had a LOT of catching up to do, and drank tea and chatted and as usual had a good giggle.
Wednesday = well,I had been waiting with baited breath for this day, as I was going into get my tubes flushed, but also, we though the Heath would have come up with a date for the SCT as they had their meeting the week before.
But No! No date.
Felt somewhat deflated! I want to get this bloody procedure over and one with, it's hanging over me like some dark cloud and now they can't decide when?? My consultant was a bit miffed as we had got the R stuff done quickly to be finished in time for the damn thing! Sandra called them ... they were in a meeting. Fucks sake! I need to know, because funnily enough, I am a single parent who has to get THREE weeks of childcare sorted for my 3 kids, and it may not be as simple as I thought before because my friend who was going to be here on weekends has had a bit of a crisis as her eldest has had a bit of a breakdown, and so it's quite possible that she will, of ocurse, need to be spending time with her, which I suggested to her as she hadn't mentioned it... then later that day, a message - the Heath thinks maybe the 27th of March, or possibly the 20th if some fella doesn't go in.
27th?? They said last time it could be the 3rd or 9th.
Ok, maybe they have had an emergency or someone has not responded well and is staying in longer etc. But Deri changes school on 16th April as hers is being closed down, and I REALLY want to be here when she moves schools, because I know she will be having some anxiety for a while, especially if I am in hospital - look how she was when I was just in for a week.
Fuskc sake.
I am going to call them tomorrow, and see if I can get some sense, and a definite date, because the nurse said that they often just give you a day or two notice. Well, in my situation, that's just too damn tricky.
My friend Eils said maybe I need to go in whenever, and that I need to think about myself, and Deri will cope whatever happens. This makes sense in a way, but it's also MY anxiety that's troubling me!!!
So, despite seeing friends the rest of the week, and trying to focus on my new hobby of needle felting (I'm gonna make stuff to sell at the fessie, but I'm too grumpy to explain just yet!), I have had this extra uncertainty lurking over me (which explains my absence recently) kind of putting a dampner on things.
Today I went to visit Ann (L's daughter) who is very poorly now, and in hospital. She has tumours in lungs, neck, groin, and can't eat or drink properly. She was imagining all sorts of weird stuff about chemo etc, so I explained that no, it is not a big machine that you go in to be zapped with stuff, it is a drip or a tablet or an injection... and she was much relieved!! More results on Tuesday, by which time they may have worked out which is the primary tumour. Bastard cancer.
This week is a busy one: tomorrow I am calling the Heath, then taking Deri to see her new school, then I have a meeting with my line manager and head of HR. *Gulp*. I hope they don't say anything along the lines of 'too long off is disruptive to company so ta-ta'. Then a PTA meeting in the evening, joy! ;)
Tuesday, reflexology - boy do I need that this week!
Wednesday - tube flushing in morning, then I am taking my mother to see 'The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel' at the cinema :)
Thursday or Friday, Lou will be down from Cardiff :)
Life is indeed a strange bowl of fruit.
Aw bless you sweetie that is all a lot of stuff to deal with. Understand the anxiety and also think Eils has a point too, as hubby would say sometimes being superwoman like you/we are means we overthink every single variant to be prepared for other people when really we need to focus on ourselves.
ReplyDeleteYes of course Deri will be anxious and of course you want to be there for her for her school change. But there will always be something going on (as all 4 of you have busy lives) so there is never going to be a perfect 3 weeks to go in. There may be weeks that are easier admittedly but all you can do is ring, explain and hope with the NHS.
Sending you lots of love and hugs, did try and ring over the weekend but got your answerphone what with you being a busy socialite (hurrah I like talking to your answerphone cos you're out having fun). Good luck with job stuff too, massive hugs and thinking of you always xx
Hello my lovely :)
ReplyDeleteSo sorry I missed your call... my landline is often on low ring volume as it's based in what is now my bedroom!
I'll update the latest news, and let's catch up on the old blower on weekend? Love You xxxxxxxxxxxx