Birthdays. Cakes. And the Waiting Game.

Shall we begin with the crap news and follow with the good stuff? This afternoon began with a frenzied tidy up for visitors! L(N's mum) and S came over and we talked a bit more about A... Linda's 2nd daughter, about my age, suspected lung cancer, more tests being done now. She is a recovering alcoholic and former heroin user and has cirrhosis of the liver so they are worried about how strong she may or may not be. More worried waiting. Bloody cancer. L went through breast cancer herself some years ago. N has sent more texts demanding more stuff but this time I have not responded, as I had asked him already to wait until my treatment was over. When L & S got home he was there and S text me saying L has told N he must leave us alone now til treatment is done. Let's see. He also knows about his sister now as he hasn't seen his family for months; this could mean he focuses on that, or could mean he gets emotional, drinks more, and harasses us more!

A friend emailed me today, as the fact that I will need childhood vaccinations again after the SCT, has really hit home.
Ah yes, childhood vaccinations etc ...as I said before, I am being wiped clear, nuked with mega chemo that will make me weak and poorly for a while. My kids will have to try and carry on as normal whilst I sit in an airlock type room for 3 weeks. Looks as though I will be in there for Mother's Day. And that makes me want to cry. Because they will hurt. I will miss them, and Deri will be upset. I can bear anything against myself. But what hurts/harms them cuts me deep. Against years of living with and surviving domestic abuse, protecting them as far as possible from it and its effects, nurturing them back to feeling secure and more confident, rediscovering my confidence and finding new and worthwhile employment to support them whilst I chip away at doing creative stuff on the side, dealing with mad/bad/indifferent family members, we now have to battle with all this shite! Bastard cancer. But we will beat it and then we can relax again, and laugh more often, and have less moments thinking ''what if'' than we do now...

What's exciting is that, on Saturday, Meg passed her theory driving test with flying colours!!! Yay! So now, countdown to the driving test... eeek!! :)) My baby, my firstborn, driving around in her own car?!?! heehee!! Also on Sat, K was down and stauing with E&G, so we all met at the Bridge with sprogs and dogs and then piled back to theirs with cake!

Deri and I have been spending quality time together playing on the Wii with the Harry Potter game!! Casting spells and zapping the baddies, it's good fun and has some puzzles and twists to work out too which Deri loves. And as wandering about makes me more tired, it's a good way to sit down and entertain her at the same time!

Monday was Mum's birthday; we made an apple cake (get me and my baking!) and went over for afternoon tea and Chrissie and John and Theresa were there too; Meg and Ben met us there and we all had a fab afternoon :))

Today saw Deri and I over at Jo's for the morning, always fab to see the lovely Jo, and O and Deri played brilliantly and Jo and I had a good ol' catch up.

Tomorrow is a Rituximab day, which is fine, I get to read and eat and drink coffee in peace, plus natter with a few other patients; the stem cell team are meeting tomorrow too, so may have some News About Dates soon. Then lunch at mum's and Deri is staying overnight - whatever will I do with myself?! Then Thursday, coffee with fave Viking in the morning before going to pick up Deri :))

I have also had some rather touching and very lovely comments from friends who have either read bits of my diary or just from stuff I have emailed etc. So my ramblings are therapeutic for me and have helped others, so I am both surprised and chuffed!