Wow.
How long have I abandoned this blog?! ;)
Well, I have been busy. And tired too! But mainly getting on with ''it''.
Some STUFF has happened since last time of course, good and bad.
Mainly this - that a friend I grew close to on Macland, that K and I were friends with, the lovely Hils, has died. So cancer, you can, again, be told to fuck off!
My mother threw in my face the fact that whilst I was dealing with cancer she ''had to'' help feed my kids etc. Well, sorry I was inconveniently ill eh? I had no financial help from the council or government during my year of chemo as I had "earned too much to qualify" the previous year. As I couldn't work for most of my year of treatment, I did have to rely on my mum and stepdad, and I hated having to! When my mother gets tired and cross she lashes out verbally, and I am really not in a place to deal with that right now!
My friends and some of my family died of cancer, and I could have died too, and she chooses to bitch about the really small stuff.
Anyhoo.
So, Hils, travel well on the other side of the veil and cock a snook when you fly past my lovely :)
I have also read a lot from some people on FB about chemo - mainly they think it's shit. Well yeh, it can be, depends on how strong your mind over matter thing is I guess. I wrote the following as a response to a reasonable and rational friend, but I have had roaring rows with the fundamentalist blinkered friends, but I'll dig that particular gem out another time maybe... ;) ..........
'There
are some instances where this can happen. There have been instances
where it hasn't happened. It would be preferable for most patients not
to have to endure chemotherapy (having been one myself I can comment on
THAT )
""S - may I tell a slightly lengthy tale about MY chemo experience? Feel free to skip to the end if you wish
Having
used alternative treatments, therapies, supplements etc most of my
life, I found myself faced with a massively aggressive cancer, with a
lump in my neck that in June was the size of the top of my thumb, but
just 2 months later was the size of at least a tennis ball and was
restricting the movement in my neck and sometimes, depending on which
way I was lying/sleeping, affecting my breathing.
I
looked into alternative methods of treating cancer whilst I waited for
the test results to confirm what I already knew what I had - I just
needed to know which type I had. Having recently left an alcoholic ex
who spent our savings etc, and as a single mum of 3 girls with a job
that covered basics but no luxuries, it seemed my options were limited. I
could have bought cannabis oil, but didn't have the funds ( £3-5000 ) -
ok, grow your own and then make your own oil? Yeh, if you have the
time, and again an initial lay-out of funds...
I was then told I had lymphoma, and a rare & aggressive form of it.
Can
I wait for treatment I wondered? having researched it on both medical
and alternative sites, and reading round the subject from traditional
and spiritual sources, it seemed I could easily lose my life and leave 3
kids with no parents (no, their dad can't take over as now has
spiralled into living in a derelict caravan with no facilities and talks
to the lizard people...another story for another time) -
I
was so angry!!! And then I calmed down and realised that this could be
an opportunity to practise helping to heal myself whilst utilising ALL
the options available to me and using my mind to attract all the
BENEFITS of treatment with none of the SHIT that many people experience!
I
HAD to get into a mindset that whatever treatments I decided upon, ALL
of them would help me. I HAD to survive, my kids needed me, and that was
my driving force behind everything I did in my battle with cancer - I
vowed to kick it up the arse.
So,
I began chemotherapy. I juiced all the time. I had reflexology and
meditated. I took other supplements and accepted everyone's blessings,
prayers, good thoughts, love and support.
During
chemo, people I knew were pleased but rather surprised at how little it
affected me, ie: I still went to work, went to parties, didn't throw up
etc etc ... cancer and its medicines *did* take their toll to some
degree as I did start to feel more tired, but not enough to retire to
bed! I was forced to go on the sick when I felt I could have carried on
but I also realised my immune system needed to have some support and
where I work I come into contact with all sorts of stuff, so I gave in,
but not very gracefully!
The
regimen was preparing me for a stem cell transplant. Fucking scary
stuff. You can google the odds and stats if you want. I wanted my kids
to have good odds of me being around, I was working towards this and
keeping going with all my other stuff I mentioned too. The 3 weeks of
the SCT, I *was* ill. But mainly because I was heartbroken to be away
from my kids for 3 weeks! And I think the stress of leaving them with
family & friends whilst I was in isolation made things worse.
Anyway,
I am in remission, complete remission. My doctors are amazed at my
progress and recovery. 3 months after the SCT they were asking if I was
having help getting dressed etc - um, NO! I am driving around,
organising a festival haha! KNACKERED, yes, drained from a year of
stress, but being me, and returning to normal. 10 months on from the SCT
and I am in f/t work, running a business on the side and ecstatic about
being alive and being here for my kids!!!
So, my point is - what you believe will happen, happens. I KNEW I would get better. So I did.
I
have a friend who says chemotherapy kills, end of. Well then, if that
person ever had to have it, it's likely they would be killed by it! I
told the Universe that chemo would be part of the way I got better and
ensured I would be around for my kids.
And here I am.' "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I spoke to a cancer counsellor recently, had a kind of debriefing but didn't want to book in for regular sessions... that was useful, and I can call her as and when I need her :)
I now run a craft/design business on the side!!! It has blossomed from something I took up when bored at home when I was ill, and I made a few trinkets for friends, and now I am selling at craft fairs and craft shops and receiving commissions regularly! :D
I called it FfolkyFfelt - I make items from wool by felting it ...
www.etsy.com/shop/FfolkyFfelt will give you examples of my work, a lot of which is bespoke. I am LOVING it!!! :D
We also have two new cats - Jack & Sally we call them........ they were 6 months old from the rescue centre - we took them in during November and they are just the loveliest, friendliest, floppy and cutest cats we have had!! And Seren gets on with them, Sally is friendlier to her than Jack is ;)
AND - Megan and Ben, got engaged, in Paris!! Did I mention any of this before?? Who knows, I have chemo-brain!! hahahaha! anyway he asked my permission bless him!, and took her for her 18th to Paris and proposed under the Eiffel tower.............................
And E (N) had a baby girl!!! :D
So much to tell, now I know why I need to pop in regularly haha!!
It's nearly 2am, I am off to sleep.
And I am trying to train myself to drop by more often!
